Life after (colicky) baby…

So…  I was supposed to participate in a half marathon last year shortly after Liam was born…  Then I was supposed to participate in another in the summer.  Neither one happened…  At least not for me.  It was a lot of things at the time (or it seemed like it was) that kept me from preparing.  It came down to the fact that I wasn’t adjusting completely to motherhood.  I couldn’t find balance in my life.  We had prayed for and worked so hard to have Liam.  Two miscarriages and years of fertility treatments culminated in one successful pregnancy.  It didn’t seem fair not to be with him every second of every day for every smile or tear.  While that’s all well and good, I was losing myself in taking care of him.

Even after I realized what I was doing, it was a hard thing to stop.  I wasn’t taking care of me.  I had lost all my “baby weight” plus another 10 pounds.  Granted, the fertility treatments and medicines to keep the pregnancy viable had caused minor weight gain making it seem like less of an accomplishment.  Regardless, early on my breakfast consisted of a Go Go SqueeZ, and snacks and lunch consisted of rice cakes in between walking the house listening to his colicky cries.  Dinner was usually a salad, and he would resume his nighttime colicky crying around 7:30 PM.

I’d be lying if I didn’t say it was hard.  I had PLANNED everything, and this wasn’t in my plan…  I didn’t want to have an emergency c-section or a preemie.  I wanted the picture in my head, but it just wasn’t my reality.  I refused to ask for help, and I had the hardest time letting that ideal picture go.  I am sure there are others like me, who have an equally hard time letting go…

Once Liam was through the colicky stage, I still had a hard time getting back into the pre-baby rhythm.  I felt like we were always rushing and never got to settle in…  In the meantime, I settled for eating junk.  If there was a visual dictionary image for a Smartfood Popcorn Addict or Four Cheese Hot Pocket Addict, you’d find my picture filed under both.

I felt like I was starting to get back into the previous rhythm of life in the fall.  I realized I didn’t want to be the parent who would hover, and I wouldn’t do Liam any favors by doing so.  While he was learning to explore the world with a little more independence, I was trying to find a sense of purpose that left me satisfied.  So even though I was doing better, I needed a goal or at least someone to hold me accountable.  Enter two of my friends…  Insisting that I sign up to run the half marathon, they put the pressure on…  One of those two ladies is NOT subtle at all!

It worked!!!  Once I forced myself to pay the registration, I knew I would go through with it.  So here I am today.  I’m one month into training and two weeks into a new healthy eating plan I discovered as a Beachbody Coach.

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I’m excited to see what else 2015 brings…  Whatever it is, I’m determined this year to stay positive and meet every challenge head on!

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